A friend of mine has just said that she'll be reviewing albums on website, which has got the brain cells working; how do you do it?

I mean, it's easy enough to say that an album is shit or comparing it to other artists, but how do you write it objectively, and without going off topic?

Is there anyone here who does this sort of thing on a semi-pro/pro basis who can suggest how to approach this?

there are many ways to go about reviewing an album

you could compare the band to similar artists that remind you of them, you could compare the band's new material to old material (if any available), if you have knowledge about instruments you could describe the guitars, drums, etc. Focus on the lyrics, or the album artwork, and get an idea for the overall theme/mood of the album.

"a friend of mine"

Oh yeah I see.

Good luck buddy.

the most important thing is that you listen to a lot of diverse music, so that you can actually recognise what's shit and what's not, and that you have a well-founded perspective. a good knowledge of the genre is fundamental, and you must also know about the band's past music

the biggest mistakes i feel people make when writing amatuer reviews are

1) they give a blueprint of how each song sounds, pretty much detailing the song passage for passage. nobody reads a review to see how a song sounds, they buy the fucking album for that reason
2) they will put in the middle of the review a bulletpoint of the songs and make a little commentary on each track
3) they are simply bad or uninteresting writers

writing about particular features like the sounds themselves, the lyrics, the instrumentation or production are all OK, but they should only be discussed on an individual basis if they make a particulary important impression. a music review isn't so much a retelling of how the album looks and sounds, it's essentially a new story with its own insight and flavour

sadly, if you don't have some flair or talent for the written word you'll never make it as a music journalist, because every piece of work is at its bare bones the same thing. if you can't vary each piece in some way, you'll not only bore the reader, but more importantly, as a writer you will stagnate and become frustrated

oh yeah, and to be a good writer you must also be a good reader - this applies to anything, whether it be music reviews or books or screenplays. if you don't agree with me on that one, take stephen king's word for it

Wise words... That's absolutely true.

you dont

common misconception that reviews are meant to be objective. if they are they cease to be reviews and turn into press releases

be so subjective that the review crawls back up your ass when youre done with it

Indeed. State your opinion don't sit on the fence. If your writing is good you'll do more and people will get to know what you like and can judge your reviews accordingly. I've bought a few albums because certain reviewers said they were shit.

There's an awful lot of good tips here; thanks for this.

Not being a musician; would that hamper me?

smoooooth.
All music journalists are failed musicians anyway, so no.

What is it with people picking up on the "A friend of mine" thing?

limeys have no friends

Learn me and from take a lesson trip"

My spewy ducts opened on Billy Joel's 52nd street for the invented Nothing, twat music and how to fuck off in step.

Ne'er before as any bred make a felt how gritty NYC can really be.
Like Prodigy, Big Joe and Nas you gut turn to maudlin and lindy hop to almost e-love.
BJ as did it once again squire, downtown city life, boogie boys, b-boys and jews working the docks.
Fuck you, you ever even been to New York, I sometimes watch other TV shows and also buy a lot of
clothes but that dont stop me ever fighting Rocky.
Empire strikes back is a great sequel.

The rule to reviewing music:
Anything that falls into the genre of post-grunge or "family-friendly hard rock" = 1 star.

I review on metal-archives and stonerrock.com. It's really just describing the albums, the sounds, without going too much into detail about the songs themselves.

Example.

"This is perfect trip n' roll for a sunny afternoon frying under the sun, while all your worries seep away. Sonically there are a lot less layers in the music. However, this makes it sound massive. The sound is so expansive without being complex, and the tones of each instrument are a lot more dialed. The guitars have this wicked fucking Hendrix-ian tone to them, and whenever there's wah-wah it's like listening to Woodstock again. Plus he has the chops to match. What does this all mean? Well, a sonically perfect album mixed with amazing music makes for one hell of a sophomore for Causa Sui."
C#standard
StonerRock.com

Just one of the reviews I've had featured on the site. I personally think I sound dumb on this but to each their own.

not a review kind of guy.

pardon the arrogance and self-promotion, but this shit right here is how you do a music review

http://www.thedwarf.com.au/nd/albumreviews...resistance_muse
http://www.thedwarf.com.au/nd/albumreviews...e_skye_mastodon

and maybe http://www.thedwarf.com.au/nd/albumreviews..._classic_albums

what does piss me off is that my editor treats the website poorly, and always fucks with my formatting, ignoring convention and hindering the flow of the pieces. and what the fuck is with the 10,000 paragraphs in the muse review?

IDK, but your boards of canada profile pic is awesome

Good spot; thanks!

Now I've had a butchers at your Crack The Skye review, I think I'm not really cut out for this, as I don't really the vocabulary to string out a review like you. That said, I found that there was something a little unsatisfying about they way you have written, perhaps, ironically, it's a little too wordy.

most amateur reviewers love to do that like this guy. putting big words in makes you a better reviewer no matter what youre saying.

radu did not become a music journalist by giving up you big fag, just show us some shit you wrote and we'll critique. Until you write a music review you're never gonna be a music reviewer so you might wanna take the first step and do that.

You don't have to write loads or be very wordy. Depends on how many words you are asked to write I guess. Just don't be too pompous or stuffy, nobody likes a grumpy humourless review.

Here is a review I did ages ago.

Taint/Black Eye Riot - Split.

'Taint' and 'Black Eye Riot' having been kicking around the Welsh live scene for quite some time now, and have gathered a fair amount of interest, due to their blistering live shows and high profile support slots including Clutch and Orange Goblin.
First up on this split are Taint who weigh in with the mighty 'Days Of The Basilisk' a fantastic three minute slab of bitter emotion. Make no mistake the guitars on all three of Taint's tracks are huge, but it's on 'I Fulfill I' that they really start to rumble. A simple riff builds and builds to epic proportions and then just lets rip, much like Isis if they were stripped of their pretensions. The Tool esque (and brillianty titled) 'Chevy Chase' is their final offering, its quiet intro gives way to a wall of guitar, that is sent ceashing toward its finale.

Now Black Eye Riot are a different kettle of fish all together. Coming along like Raging Speedhorn with a more violent intent, these boys certainly know how to rip your face off. Complexity is not the key to their power, its more down to the blunt riffs and viscious lyrics. Song titles such as 'Freeform Loser' and 'Back With A Boot' should give you a fair idea. Their best offering however is the brilliantly nasty 'The Cunt' A harmonica gives way to a brutal riff which the two singers yell profanities over, it ends with the title repeatedly being screamed in a suitably demonic fashion. Not big, not clever but thoroughly enjoyable none the less.

If these bands were boxers Taint would have all the grace and power of Mohhamed Ali. Black Eye Riot on the other hand would be Mike Tyson on speed, with a flick knife, and five mates to back him up. Both are highly effctive in their own way.

See, that's just those two bits are great to read; nice and concise with a nice dose of brutality. I want to listen to Black Eye Riot already...

Okay, maybe I'll give this reviewing lark a punt, and see what happens.